Conversations With Friends by Sally Rooney

Summary:

Frances is twenty-one years old, cool-headed and observant. A student in Dublin and an aspiring writer, at night she performs spoken word with her best friend Bobbi, who used to be her girlfriend. When they are interviewed by and then befriended by Melissa, a well-known journalist, who is married to Nick, an actor, they enter into a world of beautiful houses, raucous dinner parties and holidays in Brittany. But when Frances and Nick get unexpectedly closer, the sharply witty and emotion-adverse Frances is forced to honestly confront her vulnerabilities for the first time.

About the Author: 

Sally Rooney (born in 1991) is an Irish author. She has published four novels, of which two have been adapted into TV series. In 2024, Sally Rooney won Irish Book Awards Author of the Year. Conversations with Friends, her first book was published in 2017. 

Rating:

3 stars - ★★★☆☆

Review:

Conversations with Friends is probably the book that I have had the most conflicting feelings about in a long time. Normally I find it easy to rate a book. Either I liked it or I didn’t. But in Conversations with Friends, there were parts that I really did like, parts that I really didn’t like, parts that made for a thought-provoking read and parts that hit really close to home in an uncomfortable way. I want to give Conversations with Friends 3.5 stars, so now I have to think whether to round up or round down. I decided to round down because I’m trying to be a little harsher in my reviews, and I felt that it was unfair to give this 4 stars when I looked at the other books that I’ve given 4 stars to.

I struggled to get into Conversations with Friends. The first 100 pages seemed to drag. Frances and Nick’s relationship developed surprisingly quickly and I wondered what the rest of the book would be about. I can’t really get on board with stories about affairs in general. I just don’t really care to hear the characters try and justify it. I struggled with the writing style too. The lack of speech marks made it really difficult to work out who was talking and to differentiate between speech and Frances’ thoughts. 

I did resonate with some of Frances’ thought processes. Sadly, mainly the darker ones, although luckily they just reminded me of a different time in my life. I found it comforting that I’m not the only one in the world to have seemingly random thoughts of dying. Anyway, I won’t dwell on this but it was the little moments of recognition that I got throughout Conversations with Friends that kept me reading. 

The next 150 or so pages went a lot quicker. I got used to the writing style and I formed a kind of understanding of the characters. The last 50-odd pages got a bit slow again. I don’t know what I was expecting from the ending but I was surprised. I thought I had a few more pages to go. Like one more chapter maybe. But it turned out it was just acknowledgements. So the ending seemed really abrupt. I wasn’t expecting it and I didn’t love it. 

I can’t say that I liked any of the characters. They were all selfish and obsessed with their own little worlds. I like to think that people are generally nicer than that… I also didn’t like that Frances thought she was so different from these ‘rich’ people. She was almost obsessed with being poor even though her parents gave her money and she didn’t have to pay for her accommodation. She was embarrassed that she had to work when she stopped getting an allowance from her dad, and she took other people’s money before she thought about getting a job. For all the intellectual conversations these people had, they lacked a certain self-awareness and acknowledgement of their own privilege. I do often think that only certain (upper) classes are able to think and discuss things like they did in Conversations with Friends, because poorer people are so focussed on surviving and getting through that they don’t have time to talk in the same way.

Also, they all talk an awful lot about politics and current events. Do people really do that? I know I keep myself in a little protective bubble when it comes to the news but I didn’t really think people discussed it on the level that Frances and Bobbi and their friends did. It made me realise that I struggle to have discussions without feeling like I’m wrong and it’s an argument. These friends had conversations and offered their differing opinions, then just carried on their days, still friends.

I’m not sure I even saw an awful lot of character development. Again, for all the talk and reflection, no one seemed to be trying to be a better person. 

I did appreciate the very real and almost casual comments about r*pe. There was a quote that really struck me: “I considered asking him to stop but the idea that he might ignore me felt more serious than the situation needed to be. Don’t get yourself into a big legal thing, I thought.”

Sally Rooney seems interested with the concept of what a normal person is. The phrase ‘normal people’ is repeated so often that I had to remind myself that I wasn’t reading her book called ‘Normal People’. Conversations with Friends definitely felt like an exploration of normal people and I certainly feel more normal having read this book. 

Ultimately I’m glad that I read it. I’ve seen Sally Rooney mentioned so much recently, I’ve been intrigued to try one of her books out. But it’s maybe a little too deep for me right now. I’d give more of her books a go if I get the chance but I’d have to make sure I was in a good headspace. 

It’s certainly not your typical romance novel. It’s much deeper and self reflective. It just hasn’t left me with a very positive view of normal people, which is probably the long and short of it. I do think I’ll remember Conversations with Friends and I may even read it again because I feel there was a level of it that I missed, or I would like to delve more into.

I would recommend Conversations with Friends if you’re in the right mental space to be challenged a little, and you’re not expecting a fun romance book. This will make you stop and think as you read. 

New Words:

Vitriolic: Filled with bitter criticism or malice.

Quotes:

The sky was soft like cloth and birds ran over it in long threads.

I considered asking him to stop but the idea that he might ignore me felt more serious than the situation needed to be. Don’t get yourself into a big legal thing, I thought.